First, I would like to thank you for putting together an enjoyable experience. The sessions were interesting (if a tad overcrowded), the parties were fab (although can we talk about the $9 drinks?) and don’t even get me started on the swag. Let’s just say my suitcase weighed 20 pounds on the way out and 50 on the way back.
But I have one issue that I would like to address. Something that was near criminal in the level of irresponsible planning required. What I’m referring to, of course, is the amount of beans you foisted on us during luncheons and cocktail parties. While I am an ardent bean lover, in fact, have a hard time resisting the little beauties, they are not such lovers of my digestive system.
When meeting hundreds of new people for the first time, concentrating on clenching your cheeks for fear of an errant SBD, or worse, a full-on butt trumpet, is seriously prohibitive in the creation of a comfortable dialogue. Sadly, ever since my daughter came barreling down the birth canal (my husband actually said, “Holy cats, nice catch Doc!”), this sort of control is not what it used to be, Kegels and an excellent obstetric surgeon aside.
Additionally, the magical fruit, as it is often called, has a savage impact on my otherwise regular constitution. The less said about this aspect the better, but suffice it to say that my normally pampered posterior was subjected to many, MANY visits to hotel and restaurant bathrooms and the rough toilet paper they provide. Is it really so much to ask for some two-ply?
In conclusion, I would like to kindly request that for future conferences, you consider the impact of the food choices you offer. Might I even recommend offering a little cheese? Thank you for your attention to this important matter.