Saturday, August 23, 2008

A Letter to the Makers of Baby Clothes

To Whom It May Concern,

I want to thank you for making some seriously cute clothes for my little baby girl. It is one of my great joys to dress her in the variety of colors and styles that are available. She is my own little doll baby. I just have a few requests that I think might make life better for everyone involved.

First off, what's up with the sizes? I know that not all babies are the same size, but does that mean that you have to make clothes in various sizes for each age to accommodate all of them? My 10 month old daughter who is 26 inches tall and 16.5 pounds wears sizes ranging from 3 months to 12 months. If these were different brands, I might understand the discrepancy, but there is almost no consistency from one outfit to the next even within the same brand. This makes it very challenging for me to select outfits for her. I never know if they're going to fit, so I generally buy big so I know that, if not now, they'll fit someday. Can we work on some sort of standard for baby clothes? I don't mind putting my child in a size that doesn't correspond to her current age, as long as I know that a size 9 months, say, will always fit.

Moving along, can we talk about material? Getting babies into clothes requires no small amount of limb contortion. Any material that doesn't stretch, as least some, is darn near impossible to get onto their little bodies. I'm not saying I want outfits made out of spandex, but lets forget about any material that doesn't have a little give to it, 'kay?

Next, crotch snaps. As my daughter gets older and more agile, changing her the umpteen million times a day that she requires becomes more and more challenging. Every single changing session involves flipping, wriggling, rolling, standing, kicking, screaming and tears(those are generally mine, in frustration). When there are no snaps, I must pull her pants off, which isn't necessarily a problem. It's getting them back on. My little bean fights me with everything she has. It becomes a battle of the wills, not to mention a feat of Robin Hood-worthy aim to get her legs correctly into the pants legs. In order to preserve what little sanity I have left, please put crotch snaps in all diaper-aged children's clothes. I don't care if it's a skirt, find a way. While we're on the subject of snaps, less is definitely more. Any onesie or shorts outfit that requires more than 6 snaps at the crotch is going overboard. It is difficult enough just to hold her down for 3 or 4. If pants require a couple more, that's okay, let's just keep them down to no more than one every couple of inches. We're a pretty modest bunch around here, but I really don't mind if you can see a little diaper or leg in the gap between snaps.

Finally, buttons. Please refrain from using these miniature instruments of psychological torture in anything other than a decorative manner. As I think you might have surmised from the previous paragraphs, dressing a toddler is, shall we say, troublesome. I have a hard enough time lining up and buttoning those tiny little buttons when she's not even in the outfit, let alone when she's trying to make an escape. I don't think I'm alone in this, so let's just stick to snaps.

I think that about covers it. Thank you so much for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Befuddled Mother in Baltimore

PS - Can you tell the women's clothes makers that I'm coming for them next? Thanks!

19 comments:

  1. That is frustrating, but funny!! I can remember snapping all of those darn snaps just to realize I had missed one along the way and would have to do it all over again!

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  2. I agree. Baby sizes are a total crapshoot. You almost need to try clothes on your babies before buying them, but how ridiculous would that be?

    I wish more sleepers were made with zippers instead of all the snaps.

    Lucky you to be get to shop for baby girl clothes though! I have to shield my eyes from the girl side of Gymboree (i.e., 75% of the store) so as to not get too disheartened by my options on the boy side. The boy stuff is cute, but not nearly the "ahh" factor as the girl stuff.

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  3. Dawn - I've missed so many snaps now that sometimes I just leave 'em crooked. My child doesn't notice. Is that evil?

    MEP - I've said it before, but I was secretly delighted when I found out we were having a girl because I couldn't wait to dress her. Weee. And you're absolutely right about the zippers. They are the best. I may have to add that to the letter...

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  4. If hell is a personalized thing, and if I am so unfortunate to end up there---I will most certainly be having to dress and undress babies in clothes with lots of buttons and snaps......and also stripping wallpaper :).

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  5. Amen, Sister!!! Love the idea about snaps on a skirt...figure it out...LOL!

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  6. Can you add this line for me? "Since baby clothes must be washed, frequently, please consider prewashing the fabric so it doesn't shrink into udder oblivion." I'd appreciate it, muchly.

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  7. Here, here! I agree with you completely on all of your points. I was aggravated the other week when someone commented that my son's clothes were big - I should have asked them to buy replacements!

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  8. Even though my "baby" is 18 years old I remember well the baby clothes issues!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and reminding me that crickets are the 1st cousin of the grasshoppers I hate so much! I'm with you on the grossness of finishing off your pets half hearted attempts at murder...it's icky!!!

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  9. that whole size descrepancy thing?? unfortunately for your daughter...it never changes! found your blog through blog around the world...just moved to FL from the Baltimore area!

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  10. That was a very funny post but how true. My big pet peeve is the size issue. I'm always returning stuff and it drives me crazy.

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  11. THis was hysterical...I hope they listen to you

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  12. How about the fact that there is really no "9 months" in the world of baby clothes -- most manufacturers go from 6-9 months, straight to 12 months. What, they just go naked during that time? Give me a me three for the zippers on sleepers. Who wants to deal with snaps at 2AM when you're already dealing with poo, probably?

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  13. The joys to look forward to...

    Thanks for the comments!

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  14. Ohhhhhhhhh...
    Seriously, this is GOOD. G-O-O-D, I tell ya. (I tend to spell words out for added emphasis...go with me here.)

    I love fall and winter...long-sleeved t-shirts and leggings from Target, please. No ironing, lots of stretch, cheap, and easy.

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  15. O-my YES those stinken button some one thiks look great I hate them!! and when they put them in tha back there even more fun!!

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  16. AND, baby clothes should not need ironing! Like those little shirts that seem to shrivel up after washing! Please give us permanent press, even though cotton may be an "in" thing!

    And yes, please do go after the women's clothes makers! At least whoever it is that decides sizes!

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  17. If THAT didn't hit the effing nail on the head!!

    Wow!

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  18. Wonderful blog & good post.Its really helpful for me, awaiting for more new post. Keep Blogging!


    Baby Clothes

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Give me some sugar, baby!